Thoughts From a LEO Wife

 

I am not sure why but this 9/11 has been a bit tougher for me.  I have always realized the magnitude of the events of 9/11 and I remember vividly that day watching the devastation, broken for those personally impacted and wondering how this may reach our family … what if something happens here, close to home?  What if my husband has to be at “ground zero” for days on end? 

This year though I think I have come to my personal realization of the ways that I failed to acknowledge and support my husband.  He has put on the uniform for 22 ½ years.  He has taken in and seen far more than I will ever realize.  He ends each shift putting it all into a mental box, locks it up, and comes home to be an amazing dad and husband.  He works really hard to make sure that his work life doesn’t carry over into our innocence at home.  He has done such a good job of this that really what I have to admit is that I have failed to acknowledge for many of these 22 ½ years the job he walks into each day. 

 

A little over one year after we were married he started his first law enforcement job.  I think originally I had fear of something happening to him, what if he is killed?  I always took the mindset that I can’t live in that fear, God will always be there for whatever comes our way and we have to live life.  I had a wise, more seasoned, law enforcement wife sit me down prior to Chris’ first job and share with me that there will be days that you have to support even though you have no idea what they saw, or had to experience.  She was wise in her advice even though I didn’t really understand what life would be like.  Chris went to work each day, and sometimes, if I was lucky I would hear a funny story; something that would give us a good laugh.  It was rare that I was ever exposed to the bad stuff.  His first week I got a little peek, but after that … it was rare.  I actually was so clueless that I would often question the job they did and why/how they had to do it.  I struggled to accept that people would need to be forcefully taken down or even worse, shot.  Why can’t the force be stopped in a non-lethal way?  I sometimes would question, he would explain, and it never settled well with me.  The bottom line was, I was failing to acknowledge what he steps into each day.  My frame of reference told me that that type of response shouldn’t be necessary, and truthfully, because they do what they do, I can live not understanding when that type of response is necessary.

 

Since 2014 my stance and willingness to understand has completely shifted.  Sad isn’t it.  Really, it took me many years, probably not 20, but far too many to reach the place of understanding.  This understanding isn’t even about just that I want him to make it home each night.  This understanding is that the world law enforcement officers are in each day is something that we do not have a clue in grasping.  When I stop and realize that my husband has taken weapons off of people that had bad intentions countless times, he has used all methods (without lethal force) to apprehend and detain weapon carrying people over his 22+ years, dealt with so many on drugs, strung out or so drunk they have fallen asleep at the wheel at a stop light, or done even worse.  Having to use lethal force is the last option; it is what kicks in when you have gone through all other means in your brain.  For some that mental checklist has to be run through very quickly.  He has worked with 100’s of people with mental health struggles.  He has seen them be willing to comply and he has seen when they have had to get compliance by force.  It is broken, it is something none of us want to think about, but it is a job that he is willing to do.  He is willing to continue to go to work each day, answering each call of unknowns.  He has the courage to do this.  He runs in when everyone else is running out.  How tragic and sad that his own wife hasn’t taken the time to acknowledge this for his entire career. 

I am struggling when I meet people that don’t understand.  When people take the stance that men and women in law enforcement do the job for power, control and people actually believing that pulling the trigger “ain’t nothing but another day at work.”  I will fight for LEOs and will defend them unless an individual case warrants otherwise.  Although this job will change you, I refuse to believe that those entering this job do it with bad intentions.  They actually (most often) think they can make a difference.  Funny huh, that they would actually think they could impact positively those that they interact with.

My (non-adoptive) post today on this 9/11 is to say, thank you.  Thank you Chris, and thank you to the almost 1 million LEOs who get into their squad cars, answer calls and make the hardest decisions imaginable.  I can assure you that the LEO I live with loves his black daughter more than words can express.  He cares deeply for all that he serves each day, of every ethnic background and life circumstance.  I also believe that the VAST majority of LEOs fall into that category.  Chris may be beyond the years of believing any longer that he will have personal impact.  The reality sets in and instead of thinking about that, he does the best that he can do with each person he comes in contact with. 

From what I understand there have been almost 150 first responders who have died over the past 15 years since that day in September 2001.  Those that worked that site for weeks and months and their fate in that commitment was death due to exposure from the elements present.  My hope is that I will adequately prepare my children to understand how difficult the job is and how important respect is when dealing with law enforcement.  I wish that we could see that example from other adults.  I have lived my days of ignorance of this job, and lack of respect and understanding of what they do.  I will no longer be bound by that.  Thank you all of you LEOs that I am friends with that run into the danger instead of running out.  Thank you that you respond without regard to your own well-being so that those in the community can be protected.  And thank you to my husband, who has lived with a wife that hasn’t had a clue for much of the past 22 ½ years, but he still loves me.  Imagine that?  His patience and love for me even when I didn’t get it.  I think I am a pretty blessed wife. 

Never forget … please never forget the sacrifice and willingness every day by first responders.