All I Want For Christmas Is A Court Date!

I have been thinking a lot this week about traditions and what that means to kids through adoption.  When Chris and I got married I asked him what traditions he had as a child … and he shared that he really didn’t have any.  I think the thing he mentioned was that they would try to find the one open restaurant on Christmas day.  Of course I came from a family of a multitude of traditions spanning generations and things that to me are what make Christmas … Christmas.  So, we entered our married life carrying forward my family’s traditions.  Chris actually loved having something “the same” to look forward to every year.  Although he has never taken to our “Christmas Rice” (and is convinced it shouldn’t take 2 hours to cook), he still stirs the cooking rice for me as he knows how much it means to me at Christmas.  When we had kids Chris decided that he wanted to create one of the traditions that we would carry forward with our kids.  That tradition is what you see pictured above.  We pick out a movie for the kids and they try and guess for a few weeks before which one it will be … then they open it together and after all of the Christmas Eve fun has been had, they all get their sleeping bags and blankets and set up in the living room next to the Christmas tree and watch the movie together.  This then leads to sleeping by the tree.  I wondered last night as I saw Corbin, who is almost 14, how much longer he will want to participate in this tradition.  I like to think that it will never end, but I know at some point it will likely be an obligation rather than an enjoyed tradition. 

I have been thinking about our little one in Ghana and have wondered what makes her know it is Christmas.  I wonder what foods she loves to have and if they are included in special holiday times.  Does she have any memories from her family of origin that she thinks of … Is she making any new memories where she is living now that will be meaningful to her … or is there none of that in life for her now?  I have spoken to many adult adoptees and some from my generation where they were adopted internationally and expected to leave everything about who they were and where they came from behind.  There was no longer “Korean” heritage because you are now “American” and being adopted into a German family means you now only have German traditions and foods.  I don’t say that in a disrespectful manner … truly I don’t, but that was the reality for many that have been adopted over the years.  I think often about what traditions Kylie would be experiencing had she been raised in her birth family.  Kylie only knows the traditions of our home, but what would that look like for her?  I know that when you are adopted you join a new family, but what if we had the ability to bring into this new family things of her “first” family that we could all enjoy?  We are far from experts on this journey but my hope always is that we listen to what God is asking us to do in helping our children learn and grow, and feel loved and accepted.  For our kids through adoption there will be the added piece of grief and loss that we will continually deal with over the years.  I so hope that we are equipped to bring meaning where they need it and cherish things that help them know how much we love and appreciate where they came from and that we want to honor that. 

 

The reality is, Kylie is now in the Goodreau family, she has three older brothers that love to help her learn new things and she has mainly Swedish and Danish foods that she experiences at Christmas.  She has brothers that willing are help her dress her new doll and Kylie is sure to tell them the doll has underwear on so there is no need for her brothers to close their eyes when the doll is naked.  Alex made her doll a little bracelet already this morning and Corbin helped her braid her doll’s hair.  After he is finished braiding I hear him say “It won’t win any awards, but it will do.”  Kylie and her sister will give up much to be in our family.  They will leave behind what life would have been being raised in their biological families.  This was God’s plan for them as it was for my sweet Grandma 85 years ago.  My hope is that they know how much we want to honor where they came from and hope that we can learn more about each of their family of origin so that we can celebrate in ways that honor them.

All I wanted for Christmas was news of a court date.  We had hoped to have this news by now … but that has not happened.  I received an email on Sunday from a sweet friend, another adoptive mommy who knows what it is like to wait for a child to come home. 

Praying for your little one today! His ministry is strong and his support is sure, even when we can't see it! He is FOR the weak of this world; and his heart is turned to the humble! My prayer is that He is etching His name on your little honey's heart and every fiber of her being--that even in her dark hour, his strong light of hope would be shining in. I pray God would be powerful in her case, and move it forward for her adoption; and that He would hold your hearts close in comfort as you wait through these unknown days.

I am so thankful for those of you interceding on our behalf.  Thank you Teresa for your words … I so appreciate it!  Merry Christmas to all of you!  I hope that you are experiencing the wonder of the One who came to save the world!   

UNBELIEVABLE!

 

Wow, we have been in a bit of a phase of amazement over the past couple of weeks with the ways that we are being financially supported on this journey.   We always believed that God would provide for all that we need, but honestly didn’t know what that would look like.  We thought possibly it could come through extra income through my job, or through many different fundraisers that we would take on.  We have been in awe at the ways that God has prompted people to support us … it is truly unbelievable. 

 

Through our first adoption journey, we were living on one income … a police officer’s income.  We are so blessed for Chris’ job and the stability and benefits it provides, but you all can probably understand that a police officer does not fall into the upper income echelons … we have lived life always having our needs met and for the first 10 years of having children we always needed to make decisions frugally so that we could live without debt, and have me be an at-home mom.  In our first adoption we were blessed to receive a three grants from wonderful organizations (Show Hope, Katelyn’s Fund and our Church adoption grand fund) totaling about $9,000 … in addition to that, we received money through a fundraiser and donations from family and friends … about $5,000 more.  We cashed out some small retirement accounts that had accumulated from year’s earlier and drained our savings (about $10,000) knowing that our adoption tax credit would offset any penalty that we would incur.  The remaining money came through loans … if you are doing the math with us, that was about $10,000.  So our total costs for our first adoption were around $34,000 … we had one adoption fall through in that process that caused us to lose $3,500 … another part of the domestic adoption process is that you can have “risk” money with matches.  What this means is that the birth mom is being supported and if she chooses to parent, there could be money lost due to support of her. 

 

We believe (and honestly still do) that if we are a family that is okay with carrying some type of debt/borrowed money for a mortgage, then we should be okay with borrowing money for bringing home a child.  Probably not within the “grand” ideas of Dave Ramsey or other financial freedom people (no disrespect intended), but honestly, that was and still is our take on it.  We wanted to continue to give to our church through the process and because we weren’t willing to compromise that, it was either borrow money or wait until we had that money saved up.  After Kylie was home a year God provided my current job.  With that job we were able to be ‘adoption debt free’ by the time Kylie was 15 months old.  That is our story from last time around. 

 

This time, I am working and we have been blessed tremendously with my job.  We were able to (a few years back) repay all $20,000+ of my school loans for my master’s degree because of my job, and have been blessed with many other opportunities through my working.  We also know that with the addition of another child, and an older child through adoption, my work load is going to need to scale back and I am going to need to return to being at home more.  Our income is going to be reducing again … this time returning primarily to a police officer’s income as a family of seven.  This is why we are so grateful for all of you joining with us in helping with the financial costs of this process.  I hope you know just how incredibly blessed we are from your support and understand deeply just how much we know that your sacrifice ultimately has helped our family.  Your willingness to give big has not gone unnoticed.  It is humbling to receive from others … we are accustomed to living a life where we haven’t had to rely on others to live … so it is humbling to be in a position where we are relying on others for this process.  THANK YOU! 

 

If you have glanced over to the thermometer on this page you have already realized why I am gushing so much in this post!   Look at that total … unbelievable!  We can finish this process not worrying or thinking about where the money is going to come from … it is ready and waiting for that next bill to arrive.  Please accept our heartfelt thank you for your wonderful support of our family.  It has been so much fun to share with the kids along the way and watch them see the ways God has provided.  It is a lesson so valuable for them as well. 

 
We hope you all have a wonderfully blessed Christmas and pray that you are taking in this Christmas knowing the Savior of the world and the miracle that occurred over two thousand years ago that created the celebration of this day.  We are thankful for the saving grace of knowing Christ and we want to continue to live for HIM in all the ways He asks! 

YAY!

Since my post this morning we received confirmation that our power of attorney has our documents in his hands!!  So excited to know that our envelope made it to the destination needed.  He will be delivering the forms this week to the program director for our region.  Please pray with us that we will get a court date.  We know (from watching others ) that our first court date will likely be postponed or cancelled, so we would love to get that first date on the calendar and get this ball rolling!  Another high on this rollercoaster ride ….  :-)

The Rollercoaster Continues ...



Often when I get a home study approved for a family I ask them if they are ready for the roller coaster ride.  Many times I get a chuckle from them and then they realize that I am not chuckling and quite possibly I am being serious about this description.  In my opinion it is the best way to describe what it feels like.  You head up the hill, anxiously anticipating the top, where you know you will “fall” and in some type of delight enjoy this craziness.  Then, you reach the bottom where the thrill has ended, and feel so low and kind of want to go back up the hill, but kind of just want to get off of the ride.  Oh the little hills are fun, and don’t bring as much angst, how fun it is to just have some little hills along the way.  But then that big hill is coming again, am I excited or terrified?  The first hill was fun, but this hill (and subsequent ones after it) brings the knowledge that the first hill had its disappointments … so do I really want to go up a hill again? 

We had a couple of weeks of “highs and lows” as you probably recall from my last post, it was a bit of a low time and the desire to “head back up the hill” was a struggle.  We have been waiting to hear that our packet arrived in Ghana for awhile now.  The last email from the post office indicated that our envelope has been placed in the PO Box of the recipient … now we are waiting to get confirmation from him that it was in the box and he has actually received it.  During the midst of this waiting on our package we received word that a large donation was sent towards our adoption … it actually was sent a couple of months ago but we did not know about it until about a week ago.   Another moment of a “high” where we are amazed in how God provides and wonder how we deserve to be supported so well.  We know that God is in this and are grateful for the continual provisions from Him.  Thank you again, for all of you who have supported us financially or through prayer.  It means more to us that you will ever know.    

So the wait continues.  We are hoping to hear today that the envelope is actually in the hands of the one we sent it to.  We sit in wonder what our little one is doing today.  In the warm Ghanaian sun … I hope she has much joy today and can feel in some small way the love we already have for her.  She received her first Christmas gift this past weekend from her Grandma Carolyn and Grandpa Kermit … a Christmas ornament.  We long for the day when she can put her ornaments on the tree and be a part of a family … we are so amazed that it gets to be our family!

 

 

Waiting ....

 

Yesterday was one of those days where the reality of adoption …. The hard parts of adoption hit you square in the face and you want to give up.  We are still waiting on receiving word that our mail made it to Ghana.  It should be there any day and we just want to hear that it arrived.  So we wait …

Many times people comment that I must have a cool job working in adoption.  I think many of the people that feel that way maybe haven’t been through the adoption process and likely just don’t have much of an idea of what the ups and downs of adoption feels like.  Even as a ‘worker’ in this process you connected deeply.  Yesterday was a day where the weight of the ‘hard’ side of adoption was felt heavy within me.  So many struggles in the many aspects of adoption and at the same time wanting to “do well” the job given to me.  It is very challenging when you see kids not receive the home you are anticipating for them, and it is hard to work with insurance companies and attorneys to make sure that each person involved is treated well and protected in the ways that they should be.  There is pain and loss in adoption, there is grief in choosing a family for a child when what that sweet birth momma likely wants to have that child for herself.   I am probably not making sense in this post.  Yesterday was one of those days where the ‘hard’ stuff can make you pack your bags and leave this crazy emotional journey of adoption, returning home to curl up under the blanket in the warmth and protection of home, drawing close the family God has blessed you with and decide you are content and ‘done.’  And then when you let your brain go there, you realize how selfish it is to want to abandon the job God has given you. 

The beauty of adoption is in the families that forge ahead through the tough stuff, through the unknowns and through the ‘what ifs’ and fear of what you don’t know will come.  If you know families on the journey of adoption, pray for them on this crazy journey.  Pray that God will give them the perseverance needed, and the courage to continue even when the fear and doubt creeps in.  Pray for protection of these sweet children that are out there waiting for their forever family, even when they are rejected from receiving what they so much deserve.  Pray for the government officials whose job is to make sure that all is done legally and correctly, yet it can feel unjust when you are fighting for a child that you just want that child released to receive her forever family.  And pray for the amazingly courageous birth families, in this country and across the oceans who have to make a choice to relinquish a child/children.  Sometimes that choice is made by default through death or in our country the foster care system / workers and judges determining the future of children.  This whole process is broken.  This whole journey is based in something that I wish these children and families didn’t have to face.  God is the only one that can redeem this brokenness which is why I am privileged to have the job that I do.  If you are reading this and have considered adoption, please pray about what God is speaking to you.  There is so much need.

My wonderful sister shared with me last night a note one of her kids wrote to her recently.  They have been home in their forever family for almost five years.  Those that know their story intimately know that the past five years have been HARD for them.  Harder than they could have ever anticipated they would be.  But, thanks to my sister’s reminder last night I can continue on, knowing that God has us on this journey for a reason.  He is choosing to use us, with all of our inadequacies, to be a family for a child.   God is not giving us another child; God is giving a child a family! 

Back to the note … the words of a sweet child who once lived life in many different homes and shelters and was able to recall to her forever mommy almost five years after coming home that she remembers the day that Anita and Joel took them from the shelter and told them “no matter what, we will never leave you.”  And shared a memory of shortly after coming home when she went out to play in the snow for the first time and jumped off of the slide instead of sliding down it, cutting her lip along the way.  She thanked her mommy for cuddling her into her lap and putting a wet cloth on the cut on her lip.  That is what happens when a child goes from a life of not having a mom to care for the littlest of issues; to knowing and believing she has a mom and dad that will always be there.  There was so much more in her note that I wish I could share.  The point in this is that this healing doesn’t happen overnight.  I am certain it took a long time for this precious child to believe that her parents will be there and care for her, but she can remember the “feeling” she had the first time these things happened to her. 

So, we continue to say “yes” to God’s calling of pursuing this precious girl across the world.  We know that God has called and we trust that He is continuing to work even when the waiting is hard and when want her home now.