The Next Step of The Journey

One of the things that we knew immediately in even considering adoption again is that the costs are daunting.   How does one pay for adoption fees?  I have a good friend who has adopted from Russia four separate times … do you realize that is about $200,000 total in adoption costs?  How does a family do that?  We believe fully that the only way this is done is through God’s help.  We have struggled with deciding, do we wait until we have all of the funds before entering this process?  Or do we just jump in, trusting that God will provide as we move ahead?  There are many philosophies on this, and honestly, after working in the adoption world for four years now, I have come to believe fully that God intends for this process to come as He calls, and sometimes He calls when you don’t have $20,000 saved in your bank account.  Does that mean that going into debt for adoption is a good idea?  I think each family needs to evaluate that question for themselves, being wise but also assessing all resources available to them.  I do believe that sometimes we do have to get creative and look at the ways that we are already blessed and draw from those areas.  Do we trust that God will care for us always?  I mean always?  What if that means that our earthy “safety net” is drained … will God still care for us?  I do believe that He will and I also have come to understand at a more personal level that when we walk in this life doing what He asks, even when it doesn’t fit into our financial plan, He will honor that and provide for all of our needs. 

My grandpa was a pastor for all of his adult life.  He and my grandma lived on very little, and you know what?  God always provided for them. They did not live life worrying about not having enough.  They knew that had enough because God was walking with them and He would never leave them.  From my perspective they never worried about “having” but they also did not extend themselves in a way that made life a struggle, they simply lived with “less.”  When you have almost 30 grandkids, as my grandparents did, they did not shower us with things, rather they showered us with love, time and lots of tasty baked treats (ohh my grandma’s light rye bread … so incredible)!  J  As many of you know, my sister and her husband adopted a large sibling group five years ago.  Many asked, “How will you pay for college for all of them?”  And their response, college is not a worry for a child that may not have basic needs met if we didn’t step up and do this.  Living with “less” and having “less” to provide our kids.  But you know that our “less” in this country is actually more than most in the world will ever have.

So, we are $8,000 into our adoption this time.  We know that we have least $13,000 (and possibly) more to go depending upon how many times we need to travel to Ghana.  Do we have that saved in our account?  No, we do not.  Our accounts are now drained after our initial investment.  This is when we now trust that God will provide what we need.  I have heard countless stories of the ways God has provided to families over the past four years.  Honestly, it is one of the best parts of my job.  God ordains adoption, God calls people to adopt, and God calls others to support those who adopt.  We are going to be starting our fundraising efforts very soon.    It is a part of the journey that requires us to pack away our pride and trust that God has called us to this … so He will provide what we need!

The Journey … This Time Around

It is no secret that this adoption journey started much differently than our last.  The last time we decided to adopt is was a long journey.  After having three boys and pre-term labor with all of them, only keeping them in-utero to 36 weeks gestation and only with the help of bed rest, medication and contraction monitoring equipment, we knew we were done having biological children.  I gave birth to our third child knowing that any additional children we were to have would be added to our family through adoption.  Chris knew after our third child that we were 'done.'  About the time our Alex was two years old, we decided to do foster care.  I, of course, figured that God would bring a child to us through foster care, awhile Chris maintained we were ‘done.’  We had a few different placements of children, the longest being a little girl that came to us at 18 months of age.  She was with us about 8 months and when we had to say good bye to her, it was very hard.  After three years of continually trying to come to a decision on adoption, Chris reached the point where he knew that God was speaking to him about adoption.  I remember the night he told me that it was time to start the adoption process.  I was shocked, excited and couldn’t believe that we were actually doing this after three years of talking and praying about it.  Our boys were ecstatic and all cheered when we announced it to them in the van on the way to church the next morning.  Kylie arrived in our family at almost exactly a year from starting the home study process with our agency. 

This time has been different.  It has been hearing the Lord speak clearly and also been a time of Chris and I not looking to adopt.  We really figured we were done having kids and although in my job I have had a few times of thinking we should adopt again, I too had become content with moving forward with the four children that God has given us.  I was also certain that if we did adopt again, God would speak clearly to Chris first and then we would decide if that is what we were to do.  That is not how it happened.  I had been hearing God speak clearly several days in a row that we should be adopting again and I had decided that I was not going to listen to what I was hearing.  I didn’t want to adopt, that would change things and truly I am enjoying life right now.  After hearing this for several days I reluctantly went to Chris and told him what I thought God was saying.  He looked at me and said, “I don’t want to do that.”  I told him that I honestly did not want to either.  I told him that I had been waiting to even tell him what I was hearing but decided that I needed to share it with him.   He went to bed (probably didn’t sleep much) and the next day while he was at work he emailed me and said that we should probably pray about it and see what we hear God saying.  I agreed and that is what we did.

Over the course of the next week we heard God speak probably every day.  Whether it was random radio programs, devotionals, or videos that were Facebook posted by others reminding us that our safety is not in staying in our homes it is doing what is crazy because God is along for the ride, or the day that Kylie (who although is an emotionally charged girl, really doesn’t have tantrums) had an all-out crying tantrum on the floor of our dining room, screaming “I want a sister and I know you are never going to give me one!”  We have had a few different times when we have asked Kylie over the years if she wanted a sister, and she has always adamantly said “no!”  I had a difficult time calming her down that day and wondered if this could really be happening.  Was God really calling us to adopt again?  It is actually difficult now to recall all of the little things that happened that week.

One big thing that happened was at the end of that week, I had gone to the Mandisa concert.  I was blessed to be able to go along as my niece had decided that she didn’t want to go and now there was a ticket for me!  During the intermission the person speaking happened to be a pastor from Nigeria.  It was a child sponsorship talk encouraging people to sponsor a child through a certain organization.  I was prepared for this as it happens at almost every concert we go to.  I was getting ready to kind of “tune out” when I realized that his talk was much different.  He shared right away about how fortunate we are in this country and that for some reason God allowed us to be born at the “front of the line.”  He talked about the wealth and the little things that we take for granted that show us that we are the wealthiest of most of the people in the world (in material things, education, nourishment, opportunities, freedom).  It was such a powerful sermon (it really did turn into a sermon which was awesome) and it moved me.  Then came the part I was waiting for, the pass the cards around of pictures of kids and you find the kiddo that you want to sponsor.  But, that is not what happened.  He started talking about adoption, he talked about the blessing of adoption and how he and his wife had adopted a daughter from Haiti.  He spoke about how there are so many children that need homes in the world and need families, and he said “If God is speaking to you about adoption, then you must respond and obey” …  I started crying and could not believe what I was hearing.  I think my niece Tasha was a little worried about my emotional state but didn’t know what to do about it!  He did then go on to talk about how some are not called to adopt and that child sponsorship is an amazing way to respond to the needs of the orphan.   The next morning I shared with Chris what this pastor had spoken of and we both knew … God was telling us to adopt. 

We then started talking about what our options were, what we were both thinking for the age of the child, and Chris started calling adoption agencies.  One thing that we both felt strongly about this time around was that we were not going to take three years to decide.  We were not going to slowly work toward the idea, rather if this is what God is asking, then we would do it and get going right away.  So since hearing the call from God, getting the paperwork started, home study done and now dossier in Ghana, almost four months have passed.  We really don’t know how long the process will take.  We are thinking up to 9 more months, but truly don’t know for sure.  We have faced a lot of challenges of obedience in the past four months.  We have come to the realization that almost all of the decisions we have made in our marriage have been really based on what we wanted to do.  They have, for the most part, been things that have enhanced our life and things that we desired.  What happens when you make the move to do something out of obedience, not truly knowing (because you haven’t taken the time to visualize and ponder the wonderful ways it will increase our joy) what it will look like on the other side?  We know that God has called us to this.  We are terrified many days now knowing what travelling to Ghana will be like, and not knowing how extensive our daughter’s emotional needs will be and not knowing how it will change our family dynamics.  We know for sure that we will have to rely on God through this … and we know that this is exactly where He wants us to be.    It is a beautiful place to be … our joy and peace comes from Him and relying on Him is a great privilege!  We are blessed to be following Him on the journey. One last thing ... since getting our daughter's name I have looked up the meaning and found that her name means "fortunate one" .... always amazed at every little detail along the way!

Our Kids' Reactions ....

 

Many have asked us how the kids have responded to our adoption plan.  This all happened very quickly and they didn’t have much time to adapt and adjust to the plan.  God had that part covered and He has prepared each of their hearts for this new journey. 

We also have felt it is important to know how, or at least try to gauge, how our 4 children we are currently blessed with feel about adopting again and all that goes with that.   We asked them all as a group and individually before we actually started the process and we have done so again along the way.   They have all said “yes” with different levels of enthusiasm and excitement.    Corbin was initially a little more hesitant and had more worry about the financial piece.  He is old enough to understand that this process is expensive and that we are not a family that has a lot of excess money.  He took that part of his concern and started reading a book that was on the table “Adopt Without Debt.”  While we were driving somewhere recently  Seth  asked if we could go see the new Despicable Me movie in the theatre.  I just about drove off the road and hit a tree when I heard Corbin say back to Seth “We can just get it at Redbox when it comes out there.  That’s a lot of money to go to the theatre.”  So many life lessons big and small learned and realized along this journey.       

Seth was very quiet initially.  When Kristin asked him individually he said to her (and was completely serious), “If you and Dad think this is what we should be doing then I support it.” … She said back to him, now tell me the 11 year old version of that “right thing to say” statement!  He said in all honesty that he supported it and felt like it was a good thing.  Not long after they had that conversation Kristin was dropping him at his friend’s house to hang out and this friend’s mom told her that Seth mentioned to Michael at school that we are adopting again and he was really excited about it.  Wow, we didn’t even think he was talking about it to others, but clearly, if he told his best friend at school he is supportive of it and we are so thankful!

Alex, he was excited from the moment it was announced to the family.  He cheered and was so excited.  We weren’t anticipating that response from him.  He and Kylie had a sweet connection from the day she came home and they had the whole first year together as he wasn’t in school yet.  Their relationship has gone through more downs over the past year with Kylie growing and having an opinion, but it was good for us to see his excitement.  He was the one that kept asking when he could share it at school.  He wanted to tell people immediately!

Kylie has also been excited.  She is one of the reasons that we are on this journey (more on that in our next blog post).  She has expressed wanting a sister and although we know she does not understand what all comes with that, we know it will be good for her (for many reasons) to have a sister to relate to.  We will see how excited she is when she has to share her room and her toys!

We recently showed them the photo that was sent to us of our new daughter and told them this is their sister and shared her name and the little bit of information we were given about her.  Again, they all expressed their unique forms of approval.   Alex said things that remind us that he is constantly listening to us and our conversations about the process and how birthdates often aren’t really known for sure.   Kylie said with absolute seriousness “I wonder if she’ll be able to play tennis.  I’m going to teach her.” (that would be after Kylie learns how to play tennis, ha!).  And each of the boys wanted the picture sent to them to have on their IPods.  A different process than last time for sure.  They would all love to travel to Ghana with us, if only the money tree in the backyard would start sprouting! J  When learning the cost of plane tickets, the travel to Ghana will be reserved for us adults!

This is a journey that we are all on, not just Kristin and I.   As parents, every decision we make greatly impacts the children God has given us whether we realize it or not.   We are praying constantly that these 4 children become individuals who truly love and live their lives for God not because of mom and dad but because that is what is in their hearts.   

New Developments ....

It was a busy week!  We are moving along and with each step it just feels so much more real.  We were fingerprinted a week ago Wednesday for the USCIS (US Immigration) and received our favorable determination letter on Thursday of this week!  So, we are approved to adopt an orphan by the US government!  Another hurdle passed.  The most exciting news of the week was the email we received from Ghana with a picture of a precious little girl, OUR precious little girl!  We received our referral this week.  Such an exciting email to open when you see it in your inbox, and realize that there is a document attached to the email.  We had been waiting for this email and thought it might come the week before, so when I saw it I kind of froze.  How does your brain process opening an email knowing that you are going to see a picture for the first time of the child that has been chosen for your family?  She is absolutely beautiful!  She is about 2 ½ and looks perfect to us!  We will now wait for the processes to play out.  We have very little information about her but will learn more as court proceedings happen and everything is confirmed for her being placed with our family.  We know that with international adoption things can change and we also know that there is always a chance that this little one will not be able to come home to our family.  We pray for her and trust that God is in control and He will pave the correct path.  We also look forward to the day that we can share her picture with everyone!  It is a different thing when you think abstractly about orphans not having someone to come when they cry, meet their needs and give them the love they long for … but once you see your child’s picture now you think intimately about YOUR child … who is loving HER, who is coming when SHE cries and what does SHE do during the day?

You may notice the green thermometer to the right of this page … we are planning, as a family, the ways that we are going to pursue our fundraising for this adoption.  Our kids are excited to join in and help and it has been fun to dream of ways to get fully funded.  More on that later … it just comes to mind more now that we have a picture of our sweetie!  Thanks for following our journey and thank you for your prayers!

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!  Amen.”  ~ Ephesians 3:20

So the journey begins ....

This is a journey we had no idea God would call us to again.  We have been so blessed with our four children and figured for over four years now that we were “done.”  We had reached what we anticipated to be our max… and were both content with that.  It is hard to explain the process of what we went through and how quickly God called us to adoption this time.  It was quick, and both of us initially responded with resistance.  We didn’t plan to adopt again and we both hesitantly agreed to pray that God would bring clarity if this was what we were supposed to be doing.  I don’t think either of us could have anticipated how quickly God would bring that clarity … so about two weeks after hearing God calling … we were responding with calls to adoption agencies. 

We are now waiting for a referral, home study is complete and we should have our USCIS approval soon.  Anticipating that email with a picture of a little girl is something difficult to prepare for.  Last time there was no picture.  Last time we didn’t see our precious daughter’s face until we reached that hospital.  Still highly anticipated, but it feels so much different this time. 

Recently I agreed (reluctantly) to sign up for a 10K with Chris to run this fall.  He started running this Spring to prepare for a half marathon (which he completed in June - in really good time by the way!) and found a love of running that I honestly still don’t have.  I am not a runner.  I have never been a runner, but have found the benefits of running a few different times in the past 7 years.  Still, I am not a runner.  I often wonder what I must look like, poor posture, very slow and huffing and puffing the entire way.  I know what I look like doesn’t matter, but it does likely reveal that I am not a runner!  The first day out this summer I was running near my home when I ran past an older African American woman at her mailbox.  She gave me a beautiful smile and said to me “Hello ...  I wish I could run!”  I said back to her “I don’t feel like I can run!” … she said “but you are” … I have not forgotten that beautiful woman and her words and each time I go running I think of her words “I wish I could run.”  It keeps me going most days.  God has still given me the ability to run, why do I discount this ability? 

When I was running today I was thinking about the ways that we tell ourselves “I can’t” or “I am not.”  I still believe that I am not a runner.  But I also said for many years I am not an international adopter.  Chris and I would have said to you over and over, we see a need here and that is where we are called to adopt.  So when God called us to international adoption, our initial response was “We are not international adopters.”  I don’t know why we always thought that, but once again God has shown us that His ways are not our ways.  He has something so much better, even when we think we can’t do what He is asking us to do. 

I am not a runner … but you know what?  I am running … I am trying and I am getting stronger each time I go out.  When I was running today about half way through my run I ran by that sweet lady’s house again, and I said to myself, what if  I ran like I was a runner.  What would that look like?  I straightened my back, lengthened my stride, and ran as if I were a runner (I think that is what they do anyway!).  It felt so much different and it empowered me to continue.  So, we may have always said we aren’t international adopters, but we are doing it, and we are trying to take each day saying “we are international adopters.”   What is God speaking to you about that you may think “I am not a ______________?”  What could you be thinking differently about and have the confidence to do if you let God pave the way?

I don’t know if you will continue to follow our blog, but we hope to use this to share our journey with you.  We know that we can’t do this alone.  We know that God has it all covered and we trust that even though we don’t always feel like “we can do this” it is in doing the things that we need Him for that He receives the glory!    We will trust … and take each step as it comes.  We ask for your prayers on this journey!