Patience and Surrender

If the adoption process doesn’t bring anything else to families … it certainly helps you learn patience … and learn how to surrender in the process.  We were hoping to have a court date by the end of September but now that will be delayed.  There is a new regional director in Ghana, which is delaying things a bit.  From what I am reading from a group I am involved in with other families adopting from Ghana, this is a good thing, and this new director has good intentions in doing the job well.  That is something we are thankful for.  What this means for us is that we will wait longer for our first court date.  Ghana is currently working to develop a more streamlined process for adoption, which is also a good thing.  It just requires for us to have patience and trust that God is in control of this process.

 When you are given a child through adoption you have a deeper awareness of the fact that our kids are not “ours” … what I mean by that is that it can be easy to think of our biological kids as property, or beings that we have control over … but when you adopt and receive a child that was born to someone else, we have found that we understand deeply that these children are all God’s children.  They are not “ours” and in that we have to surrender that God’s plan is greater than our own.  Please don’t be alarmed, we believe all of our children are ours, we just know that God gives each child (through birth or  adoption) and it is His plan that determines what that looks like throughout life.  When Kylie came into our family she had a strange infection enter her body when she was 2 ½ months old.  We spent 8 nights at children’s hospital very thankful for the intravenous antibiotics needed remove this infection from her body.  I remember to this day driving to the hospital and saying to God … “She is yours, and I surrender her to you” … we had no idea at that point why she had such a high white count and it took a couple of  days to know for sure what we were going to face.  Kylie healed and she is a very healthy almost five year old. 

We entered this process this time trying hard from the beginning to surrender this whole adoption process to God.  He has the timing all figured out and we know that He loves this precious girl that we have only seen through one picture and He has big plans for her! 

It’s not too late to join us next Saturday for our fundraising event.  We are excited to see everyone that can come and are humbled by the love and support of so many!

Grandma's Love

 

Today would be my Grandma’s 97^th birthday if she were still on earth with us.  As I mentioned in my previous post, she was adopted 85 years ago, at the age of 12.  I miss her tons and wish often that I could ask her more questions about her life and experiences.  I am grateful for the time that we had and am so thankful that I was a stay-at-home mom during her last few years of life.   I would often take the boys to the nursing home to see her and we cherish those memories.

In the service we attend at church we don’t often get to hear what I call “oldies but goodies,” Chris doesn’t always know what I mean because he didn’t grow up in the church, but today we got to hear a beautiful duet of the song “His Eye is On the Sparrow” and when they sang I couldn’t help myself, the tears flowed.  That song brings back so many memories of my childhood and time with my immediate family and also my grandparents.  Such sweet memories and blessings of a life of love.  Though my immediate family has changed, and my Grandparents are no longer living on this earth, it is incredible how a song can impact you in that way.  My Grandma came through adversity, and she loved her Grandkids well even though she had a tough start at life. When I was young Grandma would show her love to us through food … my cousin and I talked about this at her funeral and he pointed out that she and Grandpa did not have material wealth, but she always showed her love through food.  I made Grandma’s light rye bread today to remember her.  My kids don’t associate this bread with their great grandma because they did not watch her bake it: kneading the dough, letting it rise, punching it down and letting it rise again.  That is what I remember when I eat this bread; watching Grandma work hard to prepare food to show her love for us.  Today, my bread machine did all the work, but the end result of the tasty bread reminds me of my precious Grandma.  Happy Birthday Grandma!  I love you so much, and miss you.  I can’t wait to see you again!

The boys have decided that they are going to add a “Bake Sale” onto our fundraiser day.  We are going to make some yummy baked goods (to include a few loaves of Grandma’s light rye bread) to sell in an attempt to raise money for our adoption.  As you can see from our thermometer at the right of the page … we are blessed!  We have been given $2,300 towards our adoption already.  It is so fun to hear from people who want to support us and we are very excited we get to see many of you on October 5^th … we appreciate you and are humbled by your generosity! 

Finishing Last!

 

Chris and I ran a 10K today.  Well, I wouldn’t’ say that I “ran” it as there was a fair amount of walking that was intertwined in my running.  Chris did not and would not leave me so he finished as I did … last.  There is something humbling about coming in last, having the squad trailing the run behind you the entire time.  I am much more of a competitive person than Chris so of course it didn’t bother him to stay with me even if it meant he would also finish last.  I am blessed to have this partner in life.   I was challenged in my own words when I have told my kids that it doesn’t matter where you finish, as long as try and do your best.  So I am reminding myself of that today … someone has to finish last, right?

In thinking about this today I am realizing that I am not used to being last.  I was essentially born into privilege, not that my family had a lot of wealth, but the doors of opportunity were a plenty.  We were always encouraged and really anything that we wanted to pursue our parents would make happen for us.  I struggle sometimes with knowing how best to respond with that privilege I was born into.  Why me?  Why would I be ‘given’ so much?  Working in the adoption world I hear a lot of discussion about adoption, and with that comes those on the side that kids should not be adopted, rather, financial means should be provided for them to remain in live in the culture and/or family that they were born into.  I understand fully the value in this.  I am parenting a child trans-racially already and I know that there are things that she does not receive fully from us, and if I am going to be totally honest, she probably can’t receive fully from Caucasian parents.  However, I do know that her mom chose us because there were many things (beyond just culture) that she wanted for her daughter.  And by God’s grace she chose us for that.

Many of you probably don’t know, but my grandma was adopted.  She spent time in foster care in St. Paul, Minnesota, before her father voluntarily relinquished his rights because he could not provide for her and her two brothers (her mother had passed away years before – essentially starving to death).  She then went to the orphanage in Owatonna, Minnesota.  I am here, and able to do the things that God has designed for me in my life because someone adopted an orphan at the age of 12.  Someone gave her the gift of family, gave her opportunity and for that I am eternally grateful.  You may think that sounds like a dramatic statement, but truly, my grandparents would not have met had God not designed that she be adopted into the Peterson family.  It is a legacy in many ways fraught with pain and loss, but through the gift of family and as my grandma would always tell you, the redemption of Christ, became a beautiful thing.  So you see, it isn’t a given that you are born into a privileged life.  I think of this often when I think of our daughter in Ghana.  I wonder what her life is like and how it can be that God would choose for her to come into our family.  I am not trying to imply that she will gain “privilege” when arriving in our home, but her life will change drastically going from a developing country to suburbia in America.  We hope that God is preparing us adequately.  We know that we can’t do this alone and we humbly ask that you join with us in however God has equipped you!  I (we) may have finished last today, but that is okay!  J

Let The FUN Begin – And Save The Date!

Well, we received an email that makes the heart beat fast and reminds us just how close we could be to bringing our daughter home.  We still don’t know for sure how much longer it will be, but knowing that our Power of Attorney in Ghana is looking to try for a “first” court date at the end of September  makes this all more real!  The first thought I had when reading that was, oh my, we are going to have to focus on fundraising!!! 

My amazing sister came to me about a month ago suggesting an idea for a fundraiser that we thought would be kind of fun.  It is also kind of fitting based on our first blog post.  She is planning a fundraiser “Fun Run or Walk” for us to be held in early October.  We are humbled by her desire to help us and are thankful that we have wonderful family supporting us along this journey.  After some talking and figuring things out, it looks like we are going to be having this “Fun Run or Walk” on Saturday, October, 5^th, in Lakeville.   It is humbling to reach out to others … this is one of those pieces that Chris and I have not looked forward to, but knew was inevitable.  God is in control of it and we know He has a plan through it all.  We are gathering all of our ideas for that day … and hope that many of you will be able to join us. 

We also wanted to share with you that we do have a process that you can go through to give tax-deductible gifts towards our adoption.  Our church has an adoption ministry fund that allows gifts to be sent and designated to a certain family.  If you would choose to give through this process, you would need to provide two additional forms with your gift.  We will have these forms available on our fundraiser day, but you can also print them from the link on side panel of our blog (just to the right, cut and paste that link into your browser and it will take you to the forms on the church website) and mail it in directly to Berean Baptist Church if you prefer to do it that way.  Both of these forms would need to be included with your donation if you decide to do this process. 

The info for the fundraiser is below:

Adoption Fundraiser “FUN RUN or WALK!”

Help bring home ‘Little G’ and have some “fun”

along the way!

We are working to support Chris and Kristin as they raise funds for their

adoption.  Our goal is to find at least 30 people that are willing to try and raise

at least $100 each towards the Goodreau’s adoption fund.   If we can

get more people and can raise more than that we would love it!

 

        What:     2.8 mile run/walk (2 times) around beautiful East Lake

When:     Saturday, October 5, 2013 at 10:00 am

Where:    East Lake Community Park

       16700 Pilot Knob Road ~ Lakeville, MN

Who:       Anyone wanting to support adoption!

 

After the run / walk we will have a light lunch and lots of fun stuff for the

kids to enjoy!  Please let us know if you plan to join us so that we can have

enough drinks and food for those participating.  We are excited to welcome

another child into the Goodreau family and would love to have your support!

 

Please contact Anita Ruthenbeck at aruthenbeck@msn.com to register or email/call with questions (651-341-6406)!

The Next Step of The Journey

One of the things that we knew immediately in even considering adoption again is that the costs are daunting.   How does one pay for adoption fees?  I have a good friend who has adopted from Russia four separate times … do you realize that is about $200,000 total in adoption costs?  How does a family do that?  We believe fully that the only way this is done is through God’s help.  We have struggled with deciding, do we wait until we have all of the funds before entering this process?  Or do we just jump in, trusting that God will provide as we move ahead?  There are many philosophies on this, and honestly, after working in the adoption world for four years now, I have come to believe fully that God intends for this process to come as He calls, and sometimes He calls when you don’t have $20,000 saved in your bank account.  Does that mean that going into debt for adoption is a good idea?  I think each family needs to evaluate that question for themselves, being wise but also assessing all resources available to them.  I do believe that sometimes we do have to get creative and look at the ways that we are already blessed and draw from those areas.  Do we trust that God will care for us always?  I mean always?  What if that means that our earthy “safety net” is drained … will God still care for us?  I do believe that He will and I also have come to understand at a more personal level that when we walk in this life doing what He asks, even when it doesn’t fit into our financial plan, He will honor that and provide for all of our needs. 

My grandpa was a pastor for all of his adult life.  He and my grandma lived on very little, and you know what?  God always provided for them. They did not live life worrying about not having enough.  They knew that had enough because God was walking with them and He would never leave them.  From my perspective they never worried about “having” but they also did not extend themselves in a way that made life a struggle, they simply lived with “less.”  When you have almost 30 grandkids, as my grandparents did, they did not shower us with things, rather they showered us with love, time and lots of tasty baked treats (ohh my grandma’s light rye bread … so incredible)!  J  As many of you know, my sister and her husband adopted a large sibling group five years ago.  Many asked, “How will you pay for college for all of them?”  And their response, college is not a worry for a child that may not have basic needs met if we didn’t step up and do this.  Living with “less” and having “less” to provide our kids.  But you know that our “less” in this country is actually more than most in the world will ever have.

So, we are $8,000 into our adoption this time.  We know that we have least $13,000 (and possibly) more to go depending upon how many times we need to travel to Ghana.  Do we have that saved in our account?  No, we do not.  Our accounts are now drained after our initial investment.  This is when we now trust that God will provide what we need.  I have heard countless stories of the ways God has provided to families over the past four years.  Honestly, it is one of the best parts of my job.  God ordains adoption, God calls people to adopt, and God calls others to support those who adopt.  We are going to be starting our fundraising efforts very soon.    It is a part of the journey that requires us to pack away our pride and trust that God has called us to this … so He will provide what we need!

The Journey … This Time Around

It is no secret that this adoption journey started much differently than our last.  The last time we decided to adopt is was a long journey.  After having three boys and pre-term labor with all of them, only keeping them in-utero to 36 weeks gestation and only with the help of bed rest, medication and contraction monitoring equipment, we knew we were done having biological children.  I gave birth to our third child knowing that any additional children we were to have would be added to our family through adoption.  Chris knew after our third child that we were 'done.'  About the time our Alex was two years old, we decided to do foster care.  I, of course, figured that God would bring a child to us through foster care, awhile Chris maintained we were ‘done.’  We had a few different placements of children, the longest being a little girl that came to us at 18 months of age.  She was with us about 8 months and when we had to say good bye to her, it was very hard.  After three years of continually trying to come to a decision on adoption, Chris reached the point where he knew that God was speaking to him about adoption.  I remember the night he told me that it was time to start the adoption process.  I was shocked, excited and couldn’t believe that we were actually doing this after three years of talking and praying about it.  Our boys were ecstatic and all cheered when we announced it to them in the van on the way to church the next morning.  Kylie arrived in our family at almost exactly a year from starting the home study process with our agency. 

This time has been different.  It has been hearing the Lord speak clearly and also been a time of Chris and I not looking to adopt.  We really figured we were done having kids and although in my job I have had a few times of thinking we should adopt again, I too had become content with moving forward with the four children that God has given us.  I was also certain that if we did adopt again, God would speak clearly to Chris first and then we would decide if that is what we were to do.  That is not how it happened.  I had been hearing God speak clearly several days in a row that we should be adopting again and I had decided that I was not going to listen to what I was hearing.  I didn’t want to adopt, that would change things and truly I am enjoying life right now.  After hearing this for several days I reluctantly went to Chris and told him what I thought God was saying.  He looked at me and said, “I don’t want to do that.”  I told him that I honestly did not want to either.  I told him that I had been waiting to even tell him what I was hearing but decided that I needed to share it with him.   He went to bed (probably didn’t sleep much) and the next day while he was at work he emailed me and said that we should probably pray about it and see what we hear God saying.  I agreed and that is what we did.

Over the course of the next week we heard God speak probably every day.  Whether it was random radio programs, devotionals, or videos that were Facebook posted by others reminding us that our safety is not in staying in our homes it is doing what is crazy because God is along for the ride, or the day that Kylie (who although is an emotionally charged girl, really doesn’t have tantrums) had an all-out crying tantrum on the floor of our dining room, screaming “I want a sister and I know you are never going to give me one!”  We have had a few different times when we have asked Kylie over the years if she wanted a sister, and she has always adamantly said “no!”  I had a difficult time calming her down that day and wondered if this could really be happening.  Was God really calling us to adopt again?  It is actually difficult now to recall all of the little things that happened that week.

One big thing that happened was at the end of that week, I had gone to the Mandisa concert.  I was blessed to be able to go along as my niece had decided that she didn’t want to go and now there was a ticket for me!  During the intermission the person speaking happened to be a pastor from Nigeria.  It was a child sponsorship talk encouraging people to sponsor a child through a certain organization.  I was prepared for this as it happens at almost every concert we go to.  I was getting ready to kind of “tune out” when I realized that his talk was much different.  He shared right away about how fortunate we are in this country and that for some reason God allowed us to be born at the “front of the line.”  He talked about the wealth and the little things that we take for granted that show us that we are the wealthiest of most of the people in the world (in material things, education, nourishment, opportunities, freedom).  It was such a powerful sermon (it really did turn into a sermon which was awesome) and it moved me.  Then came the part I was waiting for, the pass the cards around of pictures of kids and you find the kiddo that you want to sponsor.  But, that is not what happened.  He started talking about adoption, he talked about the blessing of adoption and how he and his wife had adopted a daughter from Haiti.  He spoke about how there are so many children that need homes in the world and need families, and he said “If God is speaking to you about adoption, then you must respond and obey” …  I started crying and could not believe what I was hearing.  I think my niece Tasha was a little worried about my emotional state but didn’t know what to do about it!  He did then go on to talk about how some are not called to adopt and that child sponsorship is an amazing way to respond to the needs of the orphan.   The next morning I shared with Chris what this pastor had spoken of and we both knew … God was telling us to adopt. 

We then started talking about what our options were, what we were both thinking for the age of the child, and Chris started calling adoption agencies.  One thing that we both felt strongly about this time around was that we were not going to take three years to decide.  We were not going to slowly work toward the idea, rather if this is what God is asking, then we would do it and get going right away.  So since hearing the call from God, getting the paperwork started, home study done and now dossier in Ghana, almost four months have passed.  We really don’t know how long the process will take.  We are thinking up to 9 more months, but truly don’t know for sure.  We have faced a lot of challenges of obedience in the past four months.  We have come to the realization that almost all of the decisions we have made in our marriage have been really based on what we wanted to do.  They have, for the most part, been things that have enhanced our life and things that we desired.  What happens when you make the move to do something out of obedience, not truly knowing (because you haven’t taken the time to visualize and ponder the wonderful ways it will increase our joy) what it will look like on the other side?  We know that God has called us to this.  We are terrified many days now knowing what travelling to Ghana will be like, and not knowing how extensive our daughter’s emotional needs will be and not knowing how it will change our family dynamics.  We know for sure that we will have to rely on God through this … and we know that this is exactly where He wants us to be.    It is a beautiful place to be … our joy and peace comes from Him and relying on Him is a great privilege!  We are blessed to be following Him on the journey. One last thing ... since getting our daughter's name I have looked up the meaning and found that her name means "fortunate one" .... always amazed at every little detail along the way!

Our Kids' Reactions ....

 

Many have asked us how the kids have responded to our adoption plan.  This all happened very quickly and they didn’t have much time to adapt and adjust to the plan.  God had that part covered and He has prepared each of their hearts for this new journey. 

We also have felt it is important to know how, or at least try to gauge, how our 4 children we are currently blessed with feel about adopting again and all that goes with that.   We asked them all as a group and individually before we actually started the process and we have done so again along the way.   They have all said “yes” with different levels of enthusiasm and excitement.    Corbin was initially a little more hesitant and had more worry about the financial piece.  He is old enough to understand that this process is expensive and that we are not a family that has a lot of excess money.  He took that part of his concern and started reading a book that was on the table “Adopt Without Debt.”  While we were driving somewhere recently  Seth  asked if we could go see the new Despicable Me movie in the theatre.  I just about drove off the road and hit a tree when I heard Corbin say back to Seth “We can just get it at Redbox when it comes out there.  That’s a lot of money to go to the theatre.”  So many life lessons big and small learned and realized along this journey.       

Seth was very quiet initially.  When Kristin asked him individually he said to her (and was completely serious), “If you and Dad think this is what we should be doing then I support it.” … She said back to him, now tell me the 11 year old version of that “right thing to say” statement!  He said in all honesty that he supported it and felt like it was a good thing.  Not long after they had that conversation Kristin was dropping him at his friend’s house to hang out and this friend’s mom told her that Seth mentioned to Michael at school that we are adopting again and he was really excited about it.  Wow, we didn’t even think he was talking about it to others, but clearly, if he told his best friend at school he is supportive of it and we are so thankful!

Alex, he was excited from the moment it was announced to the family.  He cheered and was so excited.  We weren’t anticipating that response from him.  He and Kylie had a sweet connection from the day she came home and they had the whole first year together as he wasn’t in school yet.  Their relationship has gone through more downs over the past year with Kylie growing and having an opinion, but it was good for us to see his excitement.  He was the one that kept asking when he could share it at school.  He wanted to tell people immediately!

Kylie has also been excited.  She is one of the reasons that we are on this journey (more on that in our next blog post).  She has expressed wanting a sister and although we know she does not understand what all comes with that, we know it will be good for her (for many reasons) to have a sister to relate to.  We will see how excited she is when she has to share her room and her toys!

We recently showed them the photo that was sent to us of our new daughter and told them this is their sister and shared her name and the little bit of information we were given about her.  Again, they all expressed their unique forms of approval.   Alex said things that remind us that he is constantly listening to us and our conversations about the process and how birthdates often aren’t really known for sure.   Kylie said with absolute seriousness “I wonder if she’ll be able to play tennis.  I’m going to teach her.” (that would be after Kylie learns how to play tennis, ha!).  And each of the boys wanted the picture sent to them to have on their IPods.  A different process than last time for sure.  They would all love to travel to Ghana with us, if only the money tree in the backyard would start sprouting! J  When learning the cost of plane tickets, the travel to Ghana will be reserved for us adults!

This is a journey that we are all on, not just Kristin and I.   As parents, every decision we make greatly impacts the children God has given us whether we realize it or not.   We are praying constantly that these 4 children become individuals who truly love and live their lives for God not because of mom and dad but because that is what is in their hearts.